02 May 2011

Thoughts over the weekend

So I resumed work at the office on Thursday and contrary to what I thought I will just file my resumption form and head back to the city after, I spent the whole day working.  I am not complaining although I was a bit tired :) and I don't know if it is a compliment for me that I had a long weekend but  tiring as well.  It was all mixed of fun being with the girls, excitement meeting up again with other friends and tiring for not having slept well.

Thursday work mode
 Anyway, let's shift the gear.  Did I just mention (who am i) that am sort of a free-spirited and laid-back person?  Generally I really can tell that I am.  Is that cool?  I don't really give a d*mn sh*t for anything not much of my concern.  Not that I'm not concerned at all but I am sick to have such tendency of self-inflicted sickness and tensions over a petty thing.  I just said that.  But what I found out last Thursday night was all of a "shock" to me.  Surprised, bullied, betrayed over not being told of something?  I really don't know.  And neither I blame anyone for this and just as what I heard, I never asked questions.  Was it my mistake for not, maybe yes.  But again, I AM NOT the type who interrogates anyone over a thing and that's pretty obvious that I am not a lawyer huh?  Is that a bad thing?  This is me and I think this can't be changed.  I let people share their stories if they are comfortable to but never I dig them much.  I am what I do and at some point, I really don't want to be asked a lot of personal questions by anyone too.  Let me loose the grip and bang!  You just have to wait for that.

I don't have the guts to feel bad for what I have found out.  Although I was really shocked and was in silence for awhile figuring out to fix my brain again at that moment.  I felt uncomfortable with my reactions witnessed by those who were there but I think that just proved that I'm a woman.  One with emotions.  This thing I cannot hide.  It's not that I am a freak or I go beyond being violent if I found something unexpected 'cos I can fight to have these forces not to dwell over my power ;) and this is one great thing that I can really be proud of ;) And I shouldn't forget to thank friends who were there for their comforting words reminding me of who I am and how things will change on me putting myself in this situation. Yes, they were right! 

I have always thought to live the way I want. No pressures, no tensions and no headaches.  These are what I want.  Things happened whether planned, intentional or not, they cannot be taken the same as what they were so better yet is to accept the fact  and wait up for another thing to happen what life in store for us. No more aggravations. No drama.


I felt weird just while I was writing the above notes.  Now it's taking me few hours to finish this post 'cos I am bbming my friend whom I truly think will understand me what I have been through the weekend but looks like she didn't.  She is the only one I believe who can fully understand how I was at that time but things are turning on a different direction now.  Things like she was shocked, blah, blah seeing us (his guy) talking privately.  A real friend is being trusted.  No explanations to be made after I have already shared what was the "talking" all about.  Forget the "understanding" but it's all being broad-minded and not the opposite.

Anyway, I was like to melt for what I knew and can't think of anything that will let others think about whether the place was the right venue to talk to her guy or not.  I was the one who needed understanding why I reacted such, although I had a feeling it shouldn't have happened and I DON'T CARE anything except to think constructively about the situation, about being fair and unfair, about how I am having fun and smile it brings to my face.  I knew I didn't want to end just like that. Not giving up on something I already considered mine.

Let the journey continue and cross the bridge when I am there. xxx

Happy hump day everyone!

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