Someone once told me – being happy is a choice. It’s you who decide What, Whom and How you want it to be! It’s linked to the destiny you chose or to be chosen yet.
The irony is that, you have felt happiness because you were contented with all what you already have – friends, family, love, work for a certain period of time. We feel like how time passes so fast and how so slow, very slow a second move forward when we are in agony. When you lose a friend, a member of a family, someone you loved and problems at work or whatever it is that you lose or have lost, the pain is somewhat unbearable if not looking at the bright side of why these and that happens.
It’s been quite sometime that my life has been a rolling wheel and unpredicted when I am on top of life’s illusions and what is going to happen when I am under. When you are up, there is no man happiest on earth but you! Everything goes perfect and just right as you wanted day-by-day. But it’s wrong when you just want as you want it! Being self-centered and without considering around you and realizing what if a sudden change happens? For better is at your best, but what if comes worst? Will you be ready for that?
It might not right to think that you are in control of everything around you. But it’s just right that you are in full control of your life, whom you want to share your life with, things you wanna accomplish and it stops right there. Just your own life and sharing it is what you can do. Nothing is permanent, everything changes. And so with my life. I was just too focus with others without realizing what it is to be the impact if I am going to lose one of my friends, family, etc.? I have forgotten to love myself as I gave everything to them not leaving even a pinch. What I knew, that was the best I can do and let them feel how dear they are to me. But you are not the same with others. I want something that they don’t like. Too many reasons why can’t be of the same wants. Complicated as it sound to them but I consider it too simple to me.
Looking back of where and who I was four years ago is no joke. Being away especially with family is a huge emotional and psychological challenge to bear when at times you need them. You can’t help yourself but to accept the fact “you need to be a strong person”. But still, not all can be. That’s why we find an outlet where or whom can sustain that long of belongingness. A rational and social human-being need of belongingness.
However, it might be crucial also to choose where and whom you wanna belong with. You thought your decision was just too right for you in the beginning to be with them and just ending it too painfully. I have forgotten its consequences as I was just taking the short path with too many hindrances without considering the smooth long one which leads to maybe the “real one we are longing for” – no questions, you just know, this is it!
No regrets though. Whatever happens as always be are charged to life experiences. I have learned a lot four years back of my life. My relationship with someone I genuinely and always love, my second family that I dear most, the laughters and sorrows we shared together, the knowing of who really I am and to consider what should be my priorities are being influenced by all of you. Thank you very much is all I can say.